I'm going to assume that my regular readers have picked up on some negativity lately. I'm thinking that it is possible it may continue.
I'm not much of a winter person. I'm big into autumn, but when that last leaf falls, I utter a huge sigh and pretty much sigh continuously until spring. Let's face it, I live in a pretty bleak place. On the surface, it seems grand to live in a college town. And its going to be be grand for the students and, hopefully, the professors. Everyone else, not so much.
Especially if one is a middle-aged artist who is struggling against being sucked down the black hole of housewifery.
The galleries here have dried up and blown away. Sure, sure, if I tried really hard, I could have my work displayed at the hospital or the nursing home gallery. No doubt opening nights at these places would resemble an opening at the coolest gallery in New York City or San Francisco (I can hear that techno beat now). And now, to put the cherry on the top of my middle-aged bitching sundae, the Eddie Bauer store downtown went out of business. Big deal, you say. It is. Where else is a middle-aged woman to buy clothes in this town? I could easily find a belly baring halter top or pre-shredded jeans or a Penn State sweatshirt or a melon colored XXXXXL track suit (at suicide mall), but those Eddie Bauer jeans fit my middle-aged body just right. And now, nothing. A void. I've just been sent a message by this town -- You Do Not Fit Here. I'll do my best to find the other, mostly-invisible, non-university-affiliated, middle-aged women in this town and we'll complain together.
Or, I can just get out my 4 Positive Crayons and draw myself a happy little world. As the package states: they are "NEW." I could use me some new around here. And some color.
Stay warm out there people. And if you're already warm, enjoy it.
12 comments:
is it time to have a family conference...is it time to move?????
sounds awful there.
of course i haven't bought clothes in a store for 10 years. so i dont feel a whole lotta sympathy for you darling :)
Kim I lived in SC in the 70's as a single mother graduate student. I loved it, and I was only a little younger than you when I left to go to Denver to graduate school. I admit that I still love to visit. I'm not certain now that I live there again. I now live in a big city -- actually one that gets a lot of negative criticism, but really does have a lot going for it -- and doubt I could live in SC again. I have a great art museum, galleries in town and the burbs and a wonderful group of like minded artists to meet with and share. Do you have a group of artists that you meet with?
Kim.....I TOTALLY IDENTIFY WITH YOU! Let's compare notes...I live in small university (this "flagship" university of the state and it still doesn't top 10,000 students I don't think!) town in South Dakota, with a population of 10,000 people....mall? uh....the biggest store we have is the wal-mart and if you want anything besides groceries, that's where you'll go. The closest mall (where I think there is still an Eddie Bauer) is in Sioux City, Iowa...about 40 minutes away or Sioux Falls, SD (an hour). Out to dinner in town...forget about it (oh, a fancy new steak house did open this summer and I hope they can stay in business). Going to a real city, Omaha, is two hours. But! Here I am in a beautiful landscape on a beautiful river in the freezing cold....happy enough in the studio and thank goodness for my blogging friends or I might go mad! If only there were a decent bookstore or place to go hang out and drink tea here....this is unlike any college town I've ever seen! I understand your woes...the solution....get in the studio and make art! That's the best medicine I know!
You have my condolences.
Next time I move it will be to an arts town and hopefully near a major city. For right now, on the positive side, I have wildlife and a beautiful river view around me. I'll miss that part, but I thrive on change and need a major upheaval every 9 or 10 years.
You need to hold on to those 4 positive crayons, Kim. The black hole of housewifery could drain you of every ounce of energy. Isn't it amazing how it keeps piling up no matter how much you do!
Oh Kim, I sympathize with you because I have bought clothes at a store lately and would hate to have my favorite place close. And for myself, I can't or won't order pants online, but I am sure you could order from them and have no problems with the fit. You do not look like you have gained a pound over the past 30 years. Lucky you.
Now look around at your surroundings and think about all the love and happiness that have filled those four walls. Bring spring into your house while it is snowing 10 inches with fresh flowers or even fake. Force yourself to work with bright colors for a while that bring out happiness. Seasons come and go and this will pass too. You just have had a hard winter and you have to give it time. And vent all you want.
My husband just said to me that winter is "crushing" him. I'm pretty well done with it by now myself... and it's snowing again.
I live in central Idaho where it is winter most of the year. I have never felt at home here and have been here 30 years. Closest mall/Eddie Bauer is 110 miles away on a winding mountain highway. One gallery. No museum. Athletes with private incomes live here. If I didn't have my studio and my love of fiber art, I would go mad. I do also have great friends and the best husband ever. Because I don't like winter or this town, I struggle to be grateful for the BIG blessings I have. It's a daily practice.
Kim, I feel exactly the same way about winter; I don't know what the town is like, but it sounds horrible. I feel for you. Here's my two cents-worth:
1. Order clothes online. Trekking to the post office to send them back will give you something exciting to do; you could even walk there for the added benefit of exercise. (I'm assuming there's no Curves in the town, either.)
2. Stay in your studio, making art, where you can wear rags or your old bathrobe.
3. Get a "happy light".
4. Tell me where you got the positive crayons- I really need some.
What a relief to read an honest this-winter-stuff-is-really-hard (and getting harder as time goes by) post. Bravo! Let's hear it for honesty. I live in northern New England--small town--well, village really (2,000) with bigger town (25k)--college town--nearby, and, as of this winter, in Beijing, China--very big town (34million!) where there's no snow, but it's super dry and windy and cold--colder than northern New England! How's that for a super-mega run on sentence by a (on leave) college writing prof? Hang in/hang on, create!
just found your blog thru Robin's "Art Propelled" blog. you do cool art work! yes, a college town is guaranteed to make you feel old & fat--at least I did the last time I walked around in a 'small college town USA.' thanks for the smile you gave me...Thank goodness the promise of spring is coming...I saw crocus today! hope some sunshine comes your way and lifts your spirits soon...
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