Mall Full of Ugly

Yesterday, I had to make a clothing return. I purchased a swimsuit online from Lands' End. Of course, it did not fit. So I was able to return it to the local Sears store. Everybodys' got one of those, huh?

After returning the offending clothing item, I figured that I would do some hands-on shopping since I was already at the mall. Ha. Ha.

Now, it our little town, we have a little mall. But, no matter how small, can one really cover a mall in 45 minutes? The answer is yes. If it is a mall full of ugly.

Up for offer . . .

Black polyester pants. Ah, yes. They are seasonless. But if you've got one pair, what do you need another one for?

Cropped gray sweatpants. I had no idea people purchased such things. I thought that ladies acquired these after rummaging through their teenage son's laundry basket and scissoring off the legs in a fit of desperation.

Shapeless clothing made from thermoplastics and petroleum products. They feel like fiberglass and smell like a chemical plant. This makes up 85% of all women's clothing sold (my statistics). Well perhaps sold is the wrong word. I should have used "produced," as I did not see a single woman purchasing these items.

I returned home with nothing.

And the colors . . . Good God, the colors. Aside from the occasional blue, all other colors are based upon bodily excretions. Need I say more?

I guess it is time for a gym membership. Got to get in shape. Got to have self-confidence when I join up with the "naturists".

Anyone know of any good online sources?