Monday, January 3, 2011

What Are You Doing?


Hi Moppie, 

I have to say that I don't know how to go about talking to you this way.  I'm SO not used to having to do all of the talking.

8:30 in the morning has been a tough time for me these last two weeks.  I used to hate a ringing phone (not your usual morning call, of course), but now I hate a quiet one.  I've starting calling Dad every morning at 8:30.  I start the conversation the way you used to, by saying, "What are you doing?" 

Lily finally went back to school today and Steve finally went back to work.  This is the first time I've been alone in almost two weeks.  Its harder than I thought it would be.

No, you did not ruin Christmas.  I know you felt bad about that.  But the rest of us were all able to stay together longer without those pesky jobs getting in the way.  I feel so much closer to Dad and Karen now.

I really have nothing planned for today.  I don't think I'll get up into the studio, unless its to clean up a little bit.  I'm sure I'll do some laundry and other chores.  I'd like to take down the Christmas decorations, but Steve had a fit when I mentioned it.  And I'm not sure I'm ready.  So many of the things I put up were talismans for your getting well again -- your angel tree-topper, those "handmade" red, gold and green glitter balls, the glass icicle ornaments that dad managed to throw out with the tree every year (and I managed to recover every year).  I think putting them away now would be unbearable.  I think we'll just be known in the neighborhood as those freaks that keep up their Christmas ornaments until spring.

Lily was so anxious to get back to school.  She has a pretty low tolerance for being alone.  Steve was not so anxious to get back to work.  But you know how he likes to keep busy, so he's better off there than at home puttering around.  Its probably safer for him there.  I was getting a little (very) tired of the puttering around.  He did accomplish a great deal on his break.  I sure didn't.

I know what you would tell me to do.  "Don't work too hard today.  Sit down and get yourself a cup of coffee.  You need to take a little time to relax."  I think I'll take your advice.  I didn't take your advice too often in the past.

Bye.

What Are You Doing is likely to become a regular feature, as the mundane bits and pieces of my life build up and need to be released.  Sorry if it's too dull.  That's what happens when you talk to someone every day of your life.  It can't all be exciting.  And "bye" was pronounced "bah" by my mother.  One of those thousands of oddities that I will miss.

8 comments:

collage whirl said...

Hi Kim,
I just connected the dots--so sorry to hear about your mom. I used to have a daily morning phone call with mine too.:-(
xoxo Deborah

Martha C. Hall said...

I noticed you hadn't blogged in a while. So sorry about your mom's passing. I used to talk with my mom very early every morning, about 6:00am - we were both early birds. It was a nice ritual before my day kicked in.

Susan said...

Kim,

You have been so blessed with having such a close relationship with your Mother. I know it is hard right now, but I think you are on the right track with "What are you Doing?"

I am glad that you posted today.

Wiggy

Ellen said...

How wonderful you spoke to her everyday and how hard the silence must be now. This post isn't boring, it's beautiful and healthy and touching.

Sherman Unkefer said...

So sorry to hear about your mom. This post is beautiful and full of love.

jason said...

this is beautiful

Leslie Avon Miller said...

The connection remains, its just in a different form.

Your Mom's advice is good. Sit down, have a cup of coffee. Be with yourself.

aimee said...

Kim,

I just caught up on your blog posts and was so sad to read that your mom had passed away. Wishing you lots of strength, love and my deepest sympathies.

xoxo
Aimee